Hey there, Jack! Sorry I can't be your smokin buddy too.
Being in Brokeback-mode gets me stirred up too. One of my favorite questions is 'Why do I keep doing this to myself? Because, $%^^&, it's painful, yanno? I think the answer must be that it's ultimately catharctic. You can get stuff out of yourself that just needs to spill. Or make connections in your heart that your mind just isn't ready for yet. Coming back is my real problem - there's all that open space between where my life is and where I want it to be to contend with - it seems like a wider and deeper for the first few days/weeks back.
See, you're not the only one who can ramble?!