Kerry's Komedy Klub

[TXdoug]

Happy Birthday (11.10.07) to YOU, Kerry

[dot-matrix]

Birthday Jokes for Kerry



Kerry said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie?

When Kerry was a child his family were so poor that the only thing hegot on his birthday was a year older!

Kerry went to the doctor and said:  "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."  The doctor replied "Next time, take off the candles."

Q: Why are Kerry's friends not putting birthday candles on his birthday cake?
A: It's not that they do not want to make him feel old, they only want to save the environment!

Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. Kerry told his computer that today is  his birthday, and it said he needed an upgrade.

Q; What usually comes after Kerry lights his birthday candles?
A: The fire department.

Q: Why does Kerry act wild and crazy on his birthday?
A: He's trying to age disgracefully!

Kerry, You know you're growing old when by the time you've lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out.

Kerry, You know you're growing old when the heat from the candles on the birthday cake keeps you from getting close enough to blow them out.

Hey Kerry,
Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one !

[underdown]

It's tough being 39! (Yeah, I wish!)     

WOW, you're 10 years younger than your's truly? 

Hope you had fun and didn't have to call the fire brigade. 

[Dagi]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!
Sorry, I´m always late...

[dot-matrix]

Only the Irish have Jokes like these Oldies

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean,
"He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."




An Irishman who had a little too much to drink
is driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back,
your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."




Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."




Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after
his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'





AND THE BEST FOR LAST 


A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,
enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his
attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin,
there's no paper on this side either!"

[Kerry]

Happy Birthday (11.10.07) to YOU, Kerry

Thank you, Doug. I had a lovely birthday. 

[Kerry]

Birthday Jokes for Kerry

Aww, thank you for my special birthday jokes, Dottie.    

I'm laughing out loud here in Sydney, Australia!     

[Kerry]

WOW, you're 10 years younger than your's truly? 

Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!     

By the way, did I mention that I have a problem with reality?!   

[Kerry]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERRY!!!

Thank you kindly, Dagi! 

[underdown]

OK ... birthday's over.
Now we're back to 'reality'. 



   

This just proves that a man needs a woman! 

(Or ... maybe a few sand bags would do).