Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.  She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Murphy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

[underdown]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.

She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, 'What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.  She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Murphy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

  ... OMG Kerry, that was TOOOOO funny at bed-time 

[Kerry]

... OMG Kerry, that was TOOOOO funny at bed-time 

Glad you enjoyed it, Rob. It made me giggle too. 

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night,  a drunk Irishman led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass  gong hanging on the wall.

"What's that big brass gong for?"  one of the friends asked.

"Issss nod a gong.  Issss a talking clock."  he drunkenly replied.

"A talking clock - seriously?"

"Yup."

"How's it work?"  the second friend asked, squinting at it.

"Just watch,"  he said.

He picked up a hammer,  gave the gong an ear-shattering bash and stepped back.

His mates stood looking at one another in abject silence.

Suddenly an angry voice from the other side of the wall screamed - "For f*#k sakes,  you stupid arse.  It's 10 past 3 in the f*#king morning!!!!!!!"

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A guy says to the bartender, "A glass of your
finest Less, please."

"Less ? Never heard of it."

"Come on, Sure you have."

"No really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some
kind of foreign beer?"

"I'm not quite sure. It was my doctor who mentioned
it He said I should drink Less."

[dot-matrix]

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health
agency, was out making her rounds visiting
home-bound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline stato
was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and
buy some gas. The attendant told her the only gas
can he owned had been loaned out., but she could
wait until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient,
she decided not to wait, and back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could
fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to
the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carries the bed-
pan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried
the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring it into her tank, two Baptists
watched from across the street. One of them turned
to the other and said:
 
"If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."