Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

Birthday Barbie
 
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and all the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:
Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends

[Katie77]

A wish

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly  the
sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, The Lord said,
'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do  it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly  help
mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I
wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I  want to know
how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means  when she says nothing's wrong,
and how I can make a woman truly happy.

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then travelled all across America, Europe, England, Japan, New Zealand.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it.

The American, decided to travel to Australia to see if Australians had the same phone.

He arrived in Sydney Australia and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 cents per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.  'Father, I've traveled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Australia now, my son - it's a local call'.

[Katie77]

I gotta agree with that Kerry.............

[Kerry]

I gotta agree with that Kerry.............

           

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Paddy and Mick worked together in the factory and were
both laid off. At the unemployment office, Paddy was asked
his occupation, "Panty stitcher. . . I sew de elastic in ladies'
panties," he replied.

Being unskilled labor, Paddy was given 100 euros a week. When
Mick was asked the same question, he replied "diesel fitter"
and since this is skilled work, he was given 200 euros a week.

When Paddy found out Mick was getting 100 euros a week more
than him, he was furious. He stormed back to the unemployment
office and demanded to know why his mate was getting more dosh.

The clerk explained that panty stitching is unskilled work, whereas
diesel fitting was skilled work.

"What fecking skill??? yelled Paddy. " I sew the elastic on the
panties. Mick puts them over his head and says, "Yep, diesel fitter."