Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Shasta542]

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"

"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Ad ministration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was... God I miss him.

" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?






"You're with the "GOVERNMENT".. This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

[underdown]

A body builder picks up a date at a party, and takes her back to his apartment.

He takes off his shirt and the date says, "Wow, what a great torso you have."
 
He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
 
He takes off his pants and she says, "My what great, muscular legs you have".
 
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."
 
He then removes his underwear, and the date runs out of the apartment, screaming.
 
The body builder throws his clothes back on and chases after her.
 
He catches up to her and asks "Hey, baby, why did why you run out of the apartment like that?".
 
Hell, she says, "Did you think I was gonna stick around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was?"

[Brokeback_Dev]

Riverdance like you've never seen it 

[youtube=425,350]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=d2AN7kBQOsw[/youtube]

 

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

Anyone can do a great impression - in Latin! 

JAMES CAGNEY
You dirty rat!
Tu, rattus turpis!

MARLON BRANDO
I could've been a contender.
Proeliator fuissem.

Make him an offer he can't refuse.
Ei fer condicionem quam non potest repudiare.

CLINT EASTWOOD
Go ahead. Make my day.
Age. Fac ut gaudeam.

CARY GRANT
Judy, Judy, Judy.
Iudaea, Iudaea, Iudaea.

W.C.FIELDS
It was a woman who drove me to drink. I never stopped to thank her.
Fuit mulier quae me potare egit. Nunquam steti gradum ad ei gratias egandas.

GROUCHO
I like my cigar, too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
Fasciculum nicotianum fumificum meum quoque amo, sed aliquando eum de ore extraho.

MAE WEST
Come up and see me sometime.
Interdum ascende ut me visas.

LAUREN BACALL
You know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your lips together and blow.
Nonne scis sibilare? Labris compositis, perfla.

BETTE DAVIS
What a dump!
Quid gurgustium!

[Dagi]

"You're with the "GOVERNMENT".. This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."


  great one, Shasta Baby! And the stamp collector... 

[Katie77]