Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

An Irish Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like
an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was
rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see
a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him
and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car
and closed the door only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and
the engine wasn't on!!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.  Then,
just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and
turned the wheel.

John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through
the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so,
gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying
and....wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the stormy
night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other..."Look Paddy...there's that f....... idiot who got in the car
while we were pushing it." !!!

 

[Katie77]

I went into a petrol station today and   asked for
five dollars worth of gas.     
The attendant farted and gave me a receipt.
 

[TXdoug]

AWESOME !!!!           

[dot-matrix]

Old Mrs McCotton arrived at Auchtercouthie Parish Church one Sunday morning and was met by a new usher who helped her up a flight of steps into the church. He asked Mrs McCotton "Where are you going to sit?" Mrs McCotton said she was heading for the front row. The young man looked dubious and said "You really don't want to do that. The minister can be rather loud and is also very boring." Mrs McCotton replied: "Do you know who I am?" The young man shook his head. "I'm the minister's mother..." The young lad's eyes opened wide and then he asked: "Do you know who I am?" When Mrs McCotton said "No" he breathed a sigh of relief - and headed for the door.

[dot-matrix]

Visiting the Gallery of Modern Art in Glasgow, a lady from Kelvinside turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said disapprovingly, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

[dot-matrix]

Children's Science Exam answers.
These are real answers from school kids.


Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep
and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts- the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The brainium
contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome .

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

[Kerry]

And this is the real Andrew Johns (L), the greatest Rugby League football player of all time IMHO. And certainly the cutest! Sigh, be still my beating heart!     

[Katie77]

Yes, he is a honey, Kerry........and the one of the greats.....

[Kerry]

Yes, he is a honey, Kerry........and the one of the greats.....

He sure is a honey and that's the truth. Gorgeous.