Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[Katie77]

Thank you Dot......yes......we have to laugh and smile again............heres one that made me smile.....

SUMBICH   


A  filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he

wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies

and neighbors.  He also invited Leroy, the only

redneck in the neighborhood.  He held the party around

the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating

shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the

women.  At the height of the party, the host said, "I

have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give

a million dollars to an yone who has the nerve to jump

in."  The words were barely out of his mouth when

there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and

saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!

Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his

thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,

biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator

through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  both

Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to

the top like a dime store goldfish.  Leroy then slowly

climbed out of the pool.  Everybody was just staring

at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe

you a million dollars,"


"No, that's okay.  I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.

You won the bet.  How about half a million bucks

then?"

"No thanks, I don't want it,"  answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you

something.  That was amazing.  How about a new Porsche

and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what

do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed

me in the pool!"








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[Kerry]

If Men Got Pregnant ~ ~ ~

Gasp! Am I imagining it or does he look like Jake?! 

[dot-matrix]

The 25th was Robert Burns Night.  This is one of my favorites of his always makes me laugh no matter how many times I read it.  Enjoy a wee bit o Rabbie Burns wit.

Ode Tae A Faert

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind

The neeps an tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonna hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawed yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an stop the leakin air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae leak

But awe yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope ah huvne **** ma breeks
Tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw, whit the hell, it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me choking
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him! I shout with accusing glower
Alas! Too late he'just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
Ah feel welcome nae mair

Were e're ye go, let yer wind gang free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o wan wee farty!

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

More Male Perpspective Comments On Marriage


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
~Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevent us from achieving them.
~Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does
a woman want?
~Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
~James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second
one didn't."
~Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're rig ht, shut up.
~Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
~Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
~Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive

[Dagi]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw[/youtube]

Eddie Izzard, Death Star Canteen

[dot-matrix]

Mary had three young children and they were driving her crazy. She complained to her best friend about the relentless demands of such a young family and her friend suggested that she should invest in a play-pen to give her some respite.

So Mary bought a large playpen. A few days later she phoned her friend to say how well it had worked out.

"I can't believe how good it is!" She exclaimed, "I can drink most of a cup of tea and answer all my e-mail on a lap-top - before the first one climbs IN and joins me!"

[dot-matrix]

Local Adverts

Local newspapers in the smaller Scottish towns often have a section where items for sale can be advertised. The Tillietudlum Gazette is like that, but sometimes the words don't quite turn out the right way. Like these classics:

~ For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

~ Great Dames for sale.