Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
 
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"
 
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

[Kerry]

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
 
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After drinking the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"
 
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

Haha, it would appear "upper management" personnel are the same the world over, Dottie!   

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is
entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

[dot-matrix]

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it.' And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

To which he whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"

[dot-matrix]

A MESSAGE FOR ALL SITE MEMBERS

IN GENERAL

Before sitting down in front of your PC, please dress accordingly. In the near future, Meno Earth will enable everyone to be seen, no matter where you are!

ILLNESS

We will no longer accept excuses regarding visits to your doctor. If you can make it to your doctor, you can make it to your computer to participate in The site.

SURGERY

Effective immediately, surgeries are forbidden. As long as you are a member of this Site, you need all of your organs. You do not have the right to have anything removed.
You joined this Site in complete condition and removal of any body part is reason to have you dismissed.

DAYS OFF

As with illness, being absent from the site for personal reasons is not acceptable.

HOLIDAYS

All site members will take their holidays at the same time.

Holiday days are:
Easter
December 25
January 1

USING THE BATHROOM

It has come to our attention that site members are wasting too much time in the Bathroom. In the future, visits to the Bathroom will be done in alphabetical order.

Members whose last name begins with A will use the Bathroom from 8:00 to 8:03. Members whose last name begins with B will use the Bathroom from 8:03 to 8:06; and so on. Members who cannot go at their specified time will have to wait until the next day.

EXCEPTION TO BATHROOM RULE

In case of emergency, you may trade with another Site member, but only with the written permission of Di & Lyndis.

In addition, there will be a three minute time limit. At the end of the three minutes, you will hear a signal, Di & Lyndis will automatically pull in the toilet paper, the door will open, and a photo will be taken. Should a member offend again, the photo will be made public in the form of a signature tag and posted on the site.

LUNCH BREAK

Thin members will be allowed 30 minutes for lunch, and must eat continually.

For normal members, 15 minutes is sufficient for a quick bite.

Heavy members will be given five minutes, enough time to consume a diet drink and an appetite suppressant pill.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We would like to take this opportunity to express our appreciation for your cooperation with these rules, which will allow the site to run in a smooth and orderly manner.

If you have any questions, comments or complaints, please direct them elsewhere

[dot-matrix]

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He Asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes.
I'll explain WHY later."
 
The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two Military Police came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.

She replied, "He went that way." After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt And said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go To Iraq." The nun said she can fully understand the fear.

The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen The most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either."

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

Don't Laugh
Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been the size of a peanut.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry, " Said the doctor. "I really am... I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied

[dot-matrix]

A preacher was explaining that he must move on to a
larger congregation that will pay him more. There
was a hush within the congregation as nobody wanted
him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the
city stands up and proclaims, "If the Preacher stays,
I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and
his wife with a Honda Mini=van to transport their
children."

The congregation sighs in relief and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and
investor, stands up and says, "If the Preacher will
stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and
establish a foundation to guarantee the college
education of all his children."

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a
smile, "If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex."

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones,
Whatever possessed you to say that? Sadie's 90 year
old husband Jake is trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his
head from side to side, while his wife replies, "Well,
I just asked my husband how we could help, and he
said, "Screw the Preacher !"