After being broad sided by grief and getting some time to navigate the shock, I have to remember that death is an imposter...
...that the value of one's life always, has always, existed in eternity;
...that eternity continues to be peopled with spirits along with the value of their persons;
...that the 'undiscovered country from whose borne no traveller 'er returns' is the destination of us all, and that in that context we can look forward to being re-united again.
... and if, perhaps, there are doors and portals; if there are access points; if there are passes we can take - mystic passes in substance; if the gulf between being in the body and in spirit is not as large as we would otherwise believe... then maybe, just maybe..., we are not disconnected from those we love... ever.
Grief and sorrow for me in this life, at the disconnects and passings; have long since had their back broken... the mountain of loneliness, at the loss of friends has been broken.
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Well, friend..., my courageous young warrior-leader, my knight, my priest in search of truth, my taciturn cowboy..., a change of address for sure, another change of role...
From where you are now, maybe you can help me through this... till we are both whole and undivided... till we both see each other as we are... till our fellowship in spirit is unbroken... till we both stand firmly and completely in Life.
Glad for you that your troubles are over... sad for me, for a bit, till this passes too...
Say "Hello" to everyone for me... I hope they've found you... look for them if they haven't...
Come to me in dream, sliding panel after panel before my spirit's eyes. Come to me in waking vision... Come to me in dreamtime, mate.
Come to me in the unhurried moment - in "everyday's most quiet need", when my spirit needs to reach - "feeling out of sight, for the ends of Being and ideal Grace".
Come and we'll have breakfast again, in summer at Riding Mountain and lunch in the Catskills... Come and get cleaned up at Caliper and Killarney, the Spruce Hills, White Lake. Ride with me in early mornings in Calgary and the foothills and late nights... We'll do another commute on O'Connor - you can drive the Pottery Road this time and hope the brakes hold. We'll walk, Heath, around the bend by the poplars, again. Just come to me with everyone... and 'hang'. Stay with me on this trail.
Don't know if you still need me, brother... but...
Gonna need ya close for a bit, friend...
Isn't it odd... Me as Ennis and you as Jack... Me left behind and you passed on.
I swear, Heath... I swear.