Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

There was a middle aged couple that had two stunningly
beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last
time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant,
and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful
father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He
took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he
had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could
be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered !! " Then he
gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling
around on me ?"

The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time !!"

[dot-matrix]

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun sitting at her desk
grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight
face and maintain her composure !

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you are
even remotely familiar with Holy Scripture, you'll find this
hilarious ! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School test.
Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments.
The following statements about the Bible were written by
children. They have not been retouched or corrected and
incorrect spelling has been left in. Enjoy.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built the Ark
and the animals came on in Pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but
a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any
ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After-
wards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the
Ten Commandments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is Thou shall not admit
adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . . then
Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle the bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing
the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people
who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the Mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side
arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do
unto others before they do one to you. He also explained
a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the
twelve Decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the aposttles.

23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also
a Taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy
acrimony which is another name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called
Monotony.

[dot-matrix]

One day a man stranded on a desert island for over ten years,
sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck
gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities
of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the
surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a
wet-suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and say to him, "Tell me,
how long has it been since you had a cigarette ?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches
over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and
pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one and lights
it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man. Is that good !"

"And how long since you had a sip of bourbon ?"
she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies, 10 years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a
flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a
long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic !"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper
that runs down the front of her wet-suit, looks at the man
seductively and asks, "And how long since you've played
around ?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs,
"Oh, sweet Jesus ! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in
there too ??"

[Katie77]

2007 HUSBAND OF THE YEAR AWARDS!!

3rd Place goes to: Greece !


2nd Place goes to: Serbia



And the winner of the husband of the year is:

Ireland
 
Ya gotta love the Irish,

[underdown]

[underdown]

[underdown]

[underdown]

[underdown]

[underdown]